“Mummy, you’re better at tidying the house, but Daddy is better at looking after us, because you try and work all the time”.

No sooner had the words left my five year old’s mouth a strange feeling started building in the pit of my stomach. A quick self-diagnosis on Google and I had identified the issue: mum guilt.

The next day, while chasing my one year old around the local adventure playground and trying to make sure the eldest didn’t tread in the dog poo some kind owner had left festering right in the middle of the play area, I spoke to my best mates. Through snatched conversations I realised I wasn’t the only mum with this condition. Apparently mum guilt comes in many forms: feeling guilty about letting your kids watch too much TV, or cooking them a frozen pizza instead of a wholesome meal using “just five ingredients” from Jamie Oliver’s new cookbook. For me the guilt came from trying to balance my workload with school holidays. 

I tried explaining to my daughter that the reason Daddy can spend all day playing with her on the weekend is because he works all week, when I am at home looking after her and her sister. It didn’t wash. I put my phone down and resolved to do my work that evening when Daddy got home and we could switch roles.

I am lucky that I can do that. Working for Vista I have the flexibility to work from home and apart from Mondays when I pop into the office to catch up with the team, I’m pretty much able to fit my hours in around family life. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be able to check in every now and again and make sure I’m not missing anything important. To a five year old who’s in constant need of my attention though, these quick check-ins seem like an eternity.

It got me thinking about how other working mums survive the holidays. Those mums who have an office to go to every day, with set hours, deadlines and meetings. How do they juggle work life and family life? Because, more often than not, it does seem to fall to the mum to manage childcare over the school holidays. However, you’ve done it, give yourself a pat on the back (or a bloody big glass of gin), because it’s not easy. Especially with mum guilt rearing its ugly head.

Now the kids are back at school, I’m reflecting on the last six weeks and all that we’ve done. Along the way we’ve taken day trips to the beach, been on holiday in Italy, gorged on chocolate and popcorn during movie nights, joined friends for playdates and undertaken countless crafting activities. Something I was dreading has actually been, for the most part, good fun. The distinct lack of routine has been nice. No alarm clocks or school runs in the rain. No having to wake the youngest up from her nap in order to collect her big sister from school. But, I am looking forward to getting back to ‘normality’. For me this means knowing when I can get my work done without worrying I should be doing something else, like making fairy cakes, playing tag or making up dance routines to the latest chart music. OK, that last one’s not strictly true, I make up dance routines whether my daughters are around or not ;-)

Katy, mum to Belle (5) and Wren (16m)